The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
