also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
