party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
