that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
