Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
