She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
