dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
