You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
we're making bets on your personal life
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
