yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
