i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
