Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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