Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
