Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize