Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
