wrigley field is MILF paradise
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Every concussion has its silver lining
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
