if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
