Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
