she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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