i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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