you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
