Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
