remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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