What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize