the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
