??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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