he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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