She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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