Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
