i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
