Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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