i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
