Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
