Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
