new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
