I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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