I think my fart just growled at me.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize