I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
