i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
