well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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