I cannot find my penis.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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