What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
