Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
