she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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