$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
