my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
