Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
