I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
my phone needs a breathalizer
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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