I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
