addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
