and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
