I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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