So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
