If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
