I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
A bitchslap is in order.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
