Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
