the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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