sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
