Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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