So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
