and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
