I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
