I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
then he tried to convert me to islam
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
