apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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