I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
