His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
